Germ Warfare
by ShropshireLass
Summary: Phoebe tries to warn Emily that Rachel is out to ruin the wedding, but this time, gets someone else on the line. Ch4 Stephanie remembers Rachel THE END
1. Girl Left Behind

Phoebe dials London in an attempt to warn Emily that Rachel's coming to ruin the wedding but instead of getting the housekeeper she gets someone else.

**Germ warfare**

**The Call**

Phoebe dialled frantically and listened impatiently for the connect, then the rings.

'Hello,' said a congested voice of indeterminate sex.

'Hello,' Phoebe said, 'May I speak to Miss Emily Waltham please?'

'I'm sorry but she's not here at the moment,' said the voice, now identifiably female but suffering from a viral infection of some sort. 'She's at the wedding rehearsal. They won't let me go so I'm stuck here.' The voice became sulky. 'They reckon I'll make them all ill. I won't make them ill, that's a lie. I'm not even allowed to go to the wedding, except for the ceremony bit. It's not fair.' And then to someone on the congested female's side of the line, she said irritably, 'Yes I've got the phone - I can deal with it - Everyone knows you can't catch germs from talking on the phone - oh all right I can wipe it down afterwards, it's not bubonic plague or anything. No-one's going to die.'

'Oh, er, Miss' Phoebe said.

'Yes? Sorry, that was our housekeeper, always interfering.'

'Um, who are you please?' She knew it wasn't quite right to demand of the person you were calling their identity but she really had no choice.

'Oh, sorry. Mum says I do everything wrong. I'm Stephanie.'

'Stephanie?'

'Emily's stepsister. Her dad married my mum, God knows why. We've been asking each other that question for five years and we still can't work it out. Who are you?'

'Me? Oh I'm Phoebe, a friend of Ross's from New York.'

'Oh wow, you're the one having your brother's babies!' If Stephanie had said that a little louder, Phoebe might have heard her without the phone.

'Well it's not quite like that,' Phoebe said, wondering what Emily had said about her. It was something so easily misunderstood.

'That's a real conversation stopper that is, "I've got a new Rolex" "I've got a new Porche" "I'm having my brother's babies." Total silence. Rad!'

'It was with IVF,' Phoebe said.

'Oh yeah I know that,' Stephanie said, 'But you don't have to tell everyone and spoil a good story. Are you really having three?'

'Yes,' Phoebe said, feeling she'd lost control.

'Wow, d'you get to keep one?' Phoebe sighed.

'I'd like to.' If only, but she didn't think that she could. It seemed wrong that she was going through all the inconvenience of pregnancy with a baby - although her brother Frank was going to be so happy - if he was happy, she was happy.

'Pick of the - er.' Phoebe just knew Stephanie was going to say "litter." 'I think you're great. I'd do it for Emily, no worries.' Stephanie sniffed. 'That would definitely have to be with IVF.'

'Yes,' Phoebe said, seeing the chance to regain the initiative. After all, there'd be no question of babies for Ross and Emily if Rachel ruined the wedding. 'Look about the wedding and things, I just wanted to say that there was a friend of ours - a friend of Ross's called Rachel - who's coming.'

'Yeah, the ex-girlfriend. Emily said,' Stephanie said, 'I'd have thought she'd have the taste not to come.' Phoebe was a little irritated, after all, Rachel was invited, she had every right to go - except to ruin the wedding.

'Well she's coming, and she's going to tell Ross she loves him, and she needs to be stopped because she'll ruined the wedding.'

'She wants to stop the wedding? The poxy bitch!'

'Hey!' Phoebe said, 'She's just a woman in love that's all. You'll find out one day when you've grown up.'

'Excuse me,' Stephanie said, 'I am sixteen you know. I'm not a kid.'

'Well sometimes when you break up you don't stop loving the person,' Phoebe said. 'It takes two to make a relationship but only one to break it.'

'Well Emily never pinched her from Ross, she doesn't do that kind of thing.'

'No, she didn't, they'd already broken up before Emily turned up.' And Rachel had been seeing Ross, and Ross had just broken up with the girl from somewhere called P, a long way away. A long way away. Well one way to get them to stay near was to marry them, Phoebe supposed.

'Yes but why wait till now? Just when he's about to marry Emily?' Stephanie asked, 'That's really stupid. It sounds like she's just jealous of Emily. Lots of people are you know.'

'Are they?'

'Oh yes,' Stephanie said. Phoebe didn't need to go into any of that now.

'Just warn Emily will you?'

'Don't worry, I'll take care of it,' Stephanie said, before ringing off.

Phoebe put down the phone. Well at least she'd done her best.

A minute later, she worried. What did "I'll take care of it" mean?


	2. Dirty Girl

**The Wedding Day**

'I just can't believe you came dressed like that!' hissed Andrea.

'What? What?' Stephanie said, 'These are my best clothes.'

'You look like a funeral!'

'I'm not, I'm not wearing any black at all,' Stephanie protested.

'I told you last night what to wear,' Andrea said. She was trying to keep her voice down but failing. Joey, who was hanging around the entrance couldn't help overhearing and wasn't the slightest bit embarrassed.

'Get out of it, I'm not wearing something you chose!'

'Don't you care about Emily?'

'Yes I do, that's why I'm not wear that stuff you left out.'

'You're impossible! You're just doing this to embarrass me. Stay out of the way.' Andrea swept past, and Joey jumped back.

'Stay out of the way, I'm staying out of the bloody way aren't I? My own sister gets married and I have to stay out of the way,' began a monotone grumble.

'Hey,' Joey said. A thin and pale black haired teenager stared back at him. She was dressed in a long purple dress.

'Hey,' she said. 'Be careful. Everyone's got to stay away from me because I've got Ebola virus or something.'

'Oh,' Joey said. 'So you're Emily's sister.'

'Yeah. I'm Stephanie.'

'You don't look like her.'

'No, she had plastic surgery when she was eighteen,' Stephanie said.

'No kidding.'

'The nose job was the hardest part.' Joey frowned, and Stephanie grinned. 'So you're one of the Americans.'

'Yeah,' he said, feeling more confident. 'I'm one of Ross's friends. And Emily's I suppose, she's all right,' Joey said. 'I mean, we're going to be friends too.'

'Joey,' called a female voice.

'Oh you've met Felicity,' Stephanie said, with a knowing voice. Friendly Felicity - but why should Joey have a problem with that. He obviously enjoyed her friendliness.

'Yeah, er.'

'Go on then,' Stephanie said, 'Don't keep her waiting.' She grinned. Joey forgot Stephanie as soon as he turned away.

Stephanie had wanted to get rid of Joey because he was stopping her from keeping an eye on the guests as they slowly arrived. She heard the sounds of raised voices. That would be her mother, stepfather and the Americans. Oh typical, she thought, I wish I was adopted.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw a woman with streaked blonde hair approach looking nervous.

'Hello,' Stephanie said.

'Hi,' the woman said, her accent instantly identifiable as American, 'I was looking for a wedding - Geller and er, Waltham?'

'This is it,' Stephanie said, walking up to her. 'You're invited?'

'Yeah, I'm Rachel Green.' Stephanie smiled. Just then they saw Emily cross into the hall and they watched her interaction with Ross.

Stephanie could tell that Rachel hated everything she saw.

'Sickening isn't it?' Stephanie said.

'W-What?' Rachel turned to her.

'I can't stand her.' Rachel's eyes widened. 'Come on, let's go and have a drink,' Stephanie said, dragging her away from the door.

'But - ' Rachel said, not resisting out of pure surprise. 'I've got to say hello.'

'You can do that in a minute,' Stephanie said, 'I've just got to get out of sight of all this mushiness. Ergh!' Stephanie leaned in closer to Rachel. 'I could tell you a thing or two about Emily, I really could.'

'Emily?' Rachel asked, interested, in spite of her hurry to get to the wedding.

'Oh yeah, Ross is going to be so sorry...' They had got to another door and into the kitchen where Stephanie swiped a bottle and then led Rachel up the back stairs.

'Should we be here?' Rachel asked nervously.

'Relax,' Stephanie said, 'There's plenty of time and I've got to tell you about Emily, or I'll just die,' Stephanie said. 'I can't stand the way everyone is going on about her, like she's perfect. You know I'm her stepsister don't you?' Rachel nodded. 'Yeah well, I know the real Emily, and let me tell you, it's not pretty.' They had reached the top of the stairs and entered the attic. 'No-one will disturb us up here. If you look out the window you can see everyone arriving.' Rachel went to the window and turned around when she heard Stephanie put the bottle down.

'Aren't you too young to drink?' Rachel asked nervously.

'It's not for me, it's for you.'

'Me? But...' Stephanie slammed the door shut and turned the key in the lock. She stood for a few seconds listening to Rachel beating on the door. 'Hey! Let me out, this isn't funny...' She thought it was very funny. With a satisfied nod, she went downstairs to wacth the wedding from the back of the room.


	3. Where's That Girl?

****

Reception

The reception was winding down when a call came through from Phoebe. Back in New York, she had been wondering how the wedding had gone, what had happened when Rachel turned up — and what that disturbing girl with the cold had done.

She spoke first to Ross and then to Emily. She was relieved to hear that they both sounded relaxed and happy. Clearly, nothing had spoiled their day. She decided not to ask either of them about Rachel and instead, when she had fielded questions from Emily about herself, asked to be put on to Monica.

Hello!' Monica said cheerfully. She had a lot to be cheerful about. She'd been able to get some secret moments with Chandler, and the champagne had been very good indeed.

Hi Monica,' Phoebe said, How was the wedding?'

It was great,' Monica said, We're having a really good time. Joey's having a great time with his bridesmaid, and I'm having a great time with — with someone I met.' For the first time in hours, Chandler wasn't by her side but she expected him back soon.

Is Rachel there?' Phoebe asked.

Rachel? She's with you,' Monica said.

No, she's with you. She wanted to come to the wedding.'

She changed her mind?' Monica looked around as if Rachel would suddenly turned up. She flew over here? Why?'

She — Oh Monica, she wanted to stop the wedding.'

Oh my God!' Monica was now completely sober and looking around the room again to see if Rachel was there.

She was just feeling so bad about Ross, thinking that she'd missed her chance and that they could have given things another try. She thought that if she got there before the wedding she'd be able to tell him how she really felt, that it wouldn't be too late.'

Well she's too late now,' Monica said. She could see Ross and Emily kissing without a care in the world. But when did she leave?'

As soon as possible. She should have gotten there by now.'

She's not here Phoebe,' Monica said. Maybe she changed her mind. I can't imagine what trouble there would have been if she'd — no, I don't even want to think about it. But then where could she be?'

She didn't call me to say she was coming back. Maybe she's found a hotel. Maybe she's waiting at your hotel. Or she's waiting outside and doesn't want to come in. Poor Rach.'

I'll go and see,' Monica said, feeling worried. Look Phoebe, please call me back at the hotel in an hour so that we can talk about this. I'm going to go back there and wait for her.'

Sure,' Phoebe said, and rang off.

Monica frowned and Chandler, who had returned in the meantime, said,

Go back to your hotel? What's the matter?'

Rachel's missing. She should be here.' Monica told him briefly what Rachel's plan had been.

This place is pretty easy to find,' Chandler said, Even if she forgot and went to the wrong venue first, it wouldn't have taken her long to get here.' Like Monica, he looked around, as though Rachel might suddenly appear from behind a pot plant.

Where's Joey? Maybe he's seen her,' Monica said.

I don't think he's seen anything except that bridesmaid,' Chandler said. Look, Ross and Emily are about to leave, let's say goodbye and get back to the hotel. Rachel may be there, waiting for us.'

Do you think we should tell Ross?' Monica asked.

It's his wedding day,' Chandler said. We don't want to worry him.'

We'll have to tell him if Rachel is missing,' Monica said.

Let's wait until we know for sure.' Chandler looked over at the Newlyweds, who were getting up to go. Monica nodded reluctantly and they joined the farewells.

To their surprise, Joey joined them and tagged along with them to the hotel. His bridesmaid was due to catch a train to Scotland and although she talked about Joey coming along for the ride, he baulked at going so far at short notice. Like them, he was shocked by the possibility that Rachel was missing.

When Phoebe rang, there was no news on either side.

I'm really worried,' she said, I spoke to Emily's sister, her stepsister, and she said that she'd take care of things.' Chandler was the one to take the phone this time, and he asked,

What does, "take care of things" mean?'

I don't know,' Phoebe said. She wasn't happy that Rachel was coming, I know that.'

After Phoebe rang off, Chandler gave Monica and Joey the gist of the conversation.

Emily's stepsister?' Monica asked. Oh yeah, I forgot she had a stepsister. She was supposed to be at the wedding but she was ill.'

Oh,' Joey said, Yeah she was at the wedding.'

Huh?' Chandler asked.

Yeah,' Joey said, She was dressed in purple.'

Oh that girl,' Monica said, I remember seeing her. She was hanging around at the back of the room but she didn't come to the reception.'

Did you know Emily's had plastic surgery?' Joey said.

What?' Monica asked, not sure this had anything to do with their current problem.

Yeah, to her nose.'

Her nose?' Chandler asked.

Yeah. So that they won't look the same.'

They're stepsisters, Joey,' Monica said. Not related.'

Oh. Then why did Emily have plastic surgery?' Joey asked. Oh — Oh I get it,' he said as Monica and Chandler watched.

Rachel,' Monica said with emphasis. When you saw this girl Joey, did she say anything about Rachel?'

No, nothing.'

What about Emily?'

Well there was the plastic surgery thing. Which I guess wasn't true.'

Anything else?'

No. We didn't talk long — I talked to Felicity after that and then it got busy.'

Where and when did you speak to this stepsister Joey?' Chandler said.

Out the front, just before the wedding.'

So if Rachel had come along, this stepsister might have seen her,' Chandler said.

You're right,' Monica said. What if the step sister did something?'

Like what?' Joey asked. She was pretty thin and small.'

Tricked her,' Chandler said. We need to talk to this stepsister.'


	4. Laid Low

****

Laid Low

She's ill and can't come to the phone,' said the housekeeper in repressive terms.'

She was at the wedding,' Monica said, 'So she can't have been that ill.'

'Her nose was kind of red,' Joey interjected in the background.

That's as may be,' the housekeeper said, But she's not available.' Monica heard a voice in the background demanding,

Who's that? Who wants Stephanie?' There was a murmuring and the voice came on the line. I'm warning you right now that we can't afford to pay for anything Stephanie's done, so you're wasting your time.'

Er hello, Mrs Waltham?' Monica guessed, Hi, I'm Ross's sister, Monica. I just wanted to speak to Stephanie, I'm not accusing her of doing anything.'

Oh you're Ross's big sister,' Mrs Waltham said. Monica ground her teeth. How on earth did you meet Stephanie? She was only supposed to attend the wedding itself. She certainly wasn't supposed to be mingling and infecting people with her germs.'

I saw her just before the wedding,' Monica said, feeling that the lie made the story simpler. It would sound a lot better for a woman to be asking to speak to a young girl rather than a man who was known to have given one of the bridesmaids a really good time. I was just wondering if she saw a friend of ours. We expected a friend to turn up at the wedding but no-one's seen her.'

'Oh,' Mrs Waltham said. 'Well I don't see how Stephanie can help you, and I'm afraid you can't see her.'

By the time they were due at the airport to farewell Ross and Emily on their honeymoon, they had heard nothing more. They had called the police and they'd kept Phoebe informed.

'We really should tell Ross now,' Monica said, 'We can't let him go away without letting him know. And Rachel may not be a friend of Emily's but she should know too. It's getting really serious.'

So they ended up telling Ross and Emily at the airport.

'I didn't know she was coming,' Emily said. 'Did she know about the change of venue?'

'Yes,' Monica said.

'Our phone number was on the invitation,' Emily said, 'So she could have rung the house if she'd been lost.' The others had already thought of this.

'What did the police say?' Ross asked.

'They haven't found a sign of her yet,' Chandler said, 'All they know is that she arrived in England.' Ross and Emily looked at each other. Emily said,

'Do you want us to stay? We could go to Greece another time.' Ross squeezed her hand.

'Well we don't want to ruin your honeymoon,' Chandler said.

'It's ruined already. We can't relax knowing that Rachel's missing and that - ' Monica thought that she had been going to finish with 'anything could have happened,' and was grateful that she hadn't.

'Thanks, Emily,' Ross said, 'You're right, I'm just going to worry.'

'We'll book into a London hotel instead, perhaps we could all be at the same hotel,' Emily said. They went over it all again.

Suddenly a girl dressed black in head to foot and looking like death came charging up.

'Hey!' Joey said, 'it's you.'

'Of course it's me, you berk,' Stephanie said. To Emily she said, 'You have no idea how hard it was for me to give them all the slip. My parents had the sodding police around for some reason - perhaps someone nicked a bottle of wine.' The others looked at eachother at the mention of the word, "police." Stephanie continued, 'I won't hug you because I don't want to give you my germs, but I do want to see you off on your honeymoon.'

'I knew you'd find a way,' Emily smiled. 'You can come and visit me in New York when you're better.'

'If I ever get over this cold.' The others were looking expectant.

'Steph, we've got to ask you something,' Emily said, 'have you seen this woman?' Monica produced a photograph of Rachel.

'Her?' Stephanie's eyes widened. 'Oh balls, I'd forgotten all about her!'

'What!' the others asked in unison.

'She's still there,' Stephanie said, unhelpfully.

'Where?' Monica demanded.

'What have you done?' Emily asked.

'She's in the attic.'

'She's been in the attic since the wedding?' Monica exclaimed.

'How did she get in there? Did you shut her in?' Emily asked, astonished.

'I did leave her a bottle of wine,' Stephanie said.

'Oh my God, Steph, ring home and get them to let her out at once! She's been there for more than twenty four hours - have you gone mad? Are there any other wedding guests you've locked up there?' Emily demanded.

'Don't blame me,' Stephanie said.

'What, the devil made you do it?' Emily took off in the direction of the public telephone, and Stephanie was about to follow her when Monica grabbed her arm.

'I need to talk to you privately.' She led Stephanie in the other direction. 'Don't tell Emily why you locked Rachel in the attic. It's not going to help.'

'I'm not keeping secrets from my sister. That Rachel is a right bitch and Emily needs to know that.'

'But Emily and Ross got married,' Monica said, trying not to resent Stephanie's insult to Rachel. 'And if you tell Emily what Rachel was here for, then you're going to cause problems. Rachel's not going to do anything now that they're married.' Monica would make sure of it. This time, Ross's marriage would last and Rachel would just have to get used to it. 'If you tell Emily, she's not going to enjoy her honeymoon and neither will Ross. You might even poison their marriage.'

'If I hear one word from Emily that things aren't OK, I'm telling her,' Stephanie said.

'Don't threaten me!'

'S'not a threat, it's a promise,' Stephanie said.

Rachel was released in five minutes. She had been warm enough in the attic - there were old clothes and furs there. She had drunk the whole bottle of wine but she was feeling very very hung over and she was now coughing, infected with the same virus Stephanie had.

The Walthams offered to look after Rachel, but she had had enough of the Waltham house and went to a hotel to be cared for by Monica. Ross and Emily only just made their flight.

Stephanie was grounded but this time Mr Waltham made sure that her bedroom window was nailed shut. She was not allowed to go the Rabid Rats concert, one she'd been hoping that her illness would not prevent her seeing. No-one stayed in earshot long enough to hear the complaining monologue composed of 'Not fair', 'She had a bottle of wine didn't she?' and 'It wasn't that long.' The fact that she was lucky no-one pressed charges against her seemed to make no impression.

Emily had phoned her from Greece, the only call her parents would allow her to take. No promise was broken, but Emily ended the call with 'You're the best sister I could ever have.' Looking back on her work, Stephanie decided that it was good.


End file.
